woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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