i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
