It's like God shit irony all over that family
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
