I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
