How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
