You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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