you guys were way drunker than both of me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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