I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
