..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
