i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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