i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My underwear smells like fireworks.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
