Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
