i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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