The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
