I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize