billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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