2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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