Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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