DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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