I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
