I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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