He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
