Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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