so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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