You just made me feel so damn special
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
