Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
