There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
