Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
