Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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