i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
