I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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