Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
