; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
