so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
