i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
