Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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