I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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