come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Houston, we have a blender
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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