half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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