It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
