I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
