It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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