I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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