its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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