You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
