Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
