ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
