What did we do last night that was yellow?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
