The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
