cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
