just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
