I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
