I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
