pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Small penises have feelings too.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
