Dude my mom stole all your condoms
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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