the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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