saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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