After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
