just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
