What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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