this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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