forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
