remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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