Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
