wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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