Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
