i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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