Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
