She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
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Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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