Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
