cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
