Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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