so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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