We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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