we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
