Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
