He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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