i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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