You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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