halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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